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{I don't care, so why do you ask?} It's because you know I do.

Nov. 8th, 2007 | 09:53 pm
music: The sounds of my roommate and her friend being critical of ofther people

I hate letting people fuck with my head.
I hate having feelings for people.
Please don't be nice to me and smile at me. You're just lowering my guard so that you can attack. But I won't let you in. I did that once, and looked how it turned out....it was a massacre.

I hate me. I hate how my feelings for one person jump to another when I'm not getting the attention I want from that person. I hate how I can just go back and forth between them. I'll hate one while loving the other and vice versa. I'm being a stupid girl. This is what happens when you let your feelings, any feelings get out. They run loose and you find yourself chasing them around.

I don't like feeling for other people. It takes months even years for me to develop feelings for my friends. Why is everything happening so quickly? Why now? I don't feel like this. I don't need it or want it. All I want to do is study, read my books, and sleep.


On to feelings of insecurity, and of being left out.

I love anime club it's really fun but, I feel really out of place with them. They'll separate into their groups and talk about things that sound like a foreign language to me. They know so much more about anime, manga, and the likes then I do and they know all the interesting websites and forums. I just feel out of place and have nothing to talk about. It brings back the feeling I hate most...of being in a room full of people yet being all alone. They make me feel so weird and like I don't belong. I just want to be better friends with them and for them to talk to me more. I'd go and talk to them, but I don't want them to think I'm stupid or silly...
Heh, look at me, being shy. Though I guess deep down inside I've always have been.

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{Why do they have to be such female dogs?}

Nov. 7th, 2007 | 10:58 pm
mood: pissed off pissed off

Some times I get tired of living with other people.
They complain about each other, but never to their faces, grow up, you want a new flat iron cause she borrowed yours and ruined it....then FUCKING say it!!!!
Roommate one (red): Stop being so fucking judgmental, get a personality, and stop having such a brother complex. Everything he does and thinks is cool you don't have to too. Get your own mind.
Roommate two (free spirit): I love that you love life and all, but everyone doesn't have to love it with you. You're fun to be around and share my things with but....be more responsible and see things from other peoples points of views. BTW playing with two guys hearts because you enjoy the gifts and attention is never ok, and every time you giggle about it and say it's fine I want to smack you. You would not like to be treated like that so stop doing it to other people!! It's wrong.

Myself: Try to find a way to say these things to their faces without hurting their feelings and making things tense in the room. Also stop talking about the behind their backs to each of them individually.

We are all at fault but, I hate the way they are, ones always judging me, and the others always getting on my nerves, and has no concept of personal space!!
I'm better off living alone or with people I actually know and have an intention of getting along with. I don't like being thrown into a tiny space with no doors to separate us, and being forced to live with strangers for a year.

Oh and if red doesn't leave me the fuck alone about not getting toilet paper, I'm going to snap at her. Sure you hate being the one who always buys it (and I hate that you always get the cheap kind), but shut the fuck up and clean the bathroom, it's your week and it's gross!!!!

I'm pissed as well because they were being very ruse and antisocial towards my guest, when I go out of my way to make sure that when they have company that I'm n ice and courteous towards them. They could do the same to my guest, don't alienate them!!! These girls don't have good manners, they don't really know how to clean, and they can't wash pots and pans right. They have completely ruined the set my mother bought for us, and granted they are for "us" right now, I am the one who has to take them home and then use them the next year, so just because you didn't spent he money on it doesn't mean that you shouldn't treat it like it's your property, because I know that they treat their stuff much much better.

I always feel dumped on, like it's so fucking easy for them (red mostly) to jump on me if something isn't done right.

Gah!! Seriously, I hate hate hate!!! Living with other people.

That is all, thank you, good night!

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And I can't stop singing~

Nov. 1st, 2007 | 04:20 pm
mood: happy happy

Last night I went to a Colbie Caillat concert with one of my roommates Kelly. It was a lot of fun!! I really like Colbie.

My midterms went really good. I've been having a lot of fun over the past couple days. I feel really happy right now.

I went to a Halloween party Wendesday at my friend Jarrett's that was fun. Now I'm on my way soon to my friend Jason's place for a party.
I'm kind sad because I can't have as much "fun" as I would like and I have to leave by 12am cause I have go to a work meeting at 9am...which means i have to wake up by 8....booo starbucks!!!

Well anyway, thing as better between me and Ian. I didn't go to club cause I was at the concert and he texted me "Where'd you go??"
....etc. Anyway we're hanging out Sunday :D

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I shouldn't have said that...

Oct. 29th, 2007 | 09:39 pm
mood: I'm such a bitch I'm such a bitch

But he needed to hear it.
People shouldn't go around pretending to be something they are not, just so others will like them.
Though, am I really one who should be talking?

I'm sorry he had a rough time in high school, but don't act like a cocky asshole to get friends. It wont work out in the end...

I just wish I wasn't so harsh, I know I don't like him anymore like I used to, but...I don't have the right to hurt other people's feelings.

I'm just wondering was if I said it to be mean and get revenge, or was I trying to help him???

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Its that time of year again....

Oct. 23rd, 2007 | 05:06 pm
mood: busy busy

Gah..
I have two midterms, a paper (I need to read the book XD) and BIG test in Sociology this week. I have to teach a class, go to work, and find time to study.
Next week I have two more Midterms.
I've got boy issues. I'm sad and I want to come home for a day, and my mom wont let me.
I got into a fight with her the other, I'm avoiding Kerri like the plague and I think she's going to end up hating me forever.
I'm tired. I work too much. -_-

On the bright side...I made burritos today and they were delicious. I'm enjoying class and school despite my stresses, and I'm making friends.

As long as there's a bright side...

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Porn..

Oct. 19th, 2007 | 11:35 pm
mood: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!

Um, yeah so I'm at my friend Schiandra's placem and i just got done watching 2 hours of Japanese gay porn and positions....

I'm emotionally fucked over for the rest of the night.

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{And we're like one big family}

Oct. 17th, 2007 | 01:05 am
mood: Copacetic Copacetic

Ok, so me and the roomies are copacetic once more. I swear I spelled copacetic right, but spell check just isn't having it.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME SPELL CHECK!! BWAHHHHHHH!!!!
We had giggle time, me and my roommate Kelly are going to a Cobie Caillat concert on the first of Nov.at the Roxy, so I'm excited!!!!

Yup things are good. Work was nice. We got out by 10, I came home and Kelly had made apple crisp and it was DELICIOUS!!!
Now I'm hyper and can't sleep while my roomies are trying to sleep...

Erm...I've got sooooooo much HW to do..maybe I should do it?

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{Living with Other People...}

Oct. 16th, 2007 | 12:20 pm
mood: pissed off pissed off

    I feel like crap and am trying to sleep but one of my roommates comes in and decides to show the other one some stupid crap on YouTube. So they're sitting there laughing and making all sorts of noise, and I'm covering my ears or putting the covers over my head ans they still don't get it. So I just get up and walk to the bathroom because I'm up now, and they're the ones acting like I did something wrong.
They have this like annoyed attitude towards me, and I'm like WTF!!! They're the ones that had no consideration for how I was feeling and woke me up, and now I'm angry and feel like crap, and I have to go to class because I decided to not go to my morning one and I'll feel bad all day if I don't go to class.

GAH!!

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{The Decision }

Oct. 13th, 2007 | 09:00 pm

I will be taking up knitting.
Because I can't stand him. He's an asshole, and now I just don't want to deal with guys in general.
I am no ones toy. I will not be played with.

私はおもちゃじゃない!!!!

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Stuff.

Oct. 12th, 2007 | 12:12 pm
music: scooby doo on TV

He's an asshole.
I'm a dumbass.
The children are doomed!!!!!

How hard is it to give a clear answer? I'm tired of this vague shit he's pulling, either we are dating, or we're not. Then  I can move on to someone else, or pursue my knitting. Either way I can stop wasting my time.

On to other news.
I'm babysitting today, I'm getting paid about 60$. Then maybe I'll head over to Schi's place and spend the night.
The rest of the weekend is up in the air.

I'm bored, confused and pissed off. Whatever.

What should I be  for Halloween?

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